Hmm...

This past weekend I had an interesting experience. My partner and I had been telling a friend of ours about a pagan group, and since we were near the computer I brought up the group's webpage. Lo and behold, the front page had an article mentioning my ex - with whom I had a horrendous breakup - written by his new partner. It's been years, but I found myself plunged into the same anger and recriminations I'd felt at the time, although to be fair they weren't anything like as crippling as they'd been at the time; even so, they were strong enough to make my mind overheat and contract and just not be very pleasant to be in.

The angry thoughts kept returning, last night and today, until suddenly and all unexpectedly I realized that what I was feeling was resentment: my ex had taken up with his new partner within a week of our breakup and was, and is, to all appearances blissfully happy while I was mired in crap. Not, perhaps, what you'd call an earth-shattering revelation, but somehow it was earth-shattering: I'd never been quite able to name the feeling, being all caught up in it and in the unending sankharas that my mind so obligingly concocted around the experience.

And when I was able to say, "I feel resentment," the feeling just... dissipated. Lost cohesion and blew away. It might come back, but I know its name now and it can never take me unawares again, at least not for long.

Small, yes; ordinary, also yes; but wonderful.