It has been a charming re-occurrence that every year or two since I started meditating I've had the feeling that I'm finally "getting" what meditation is (which, yes, presupposes that I was doing it "wrong" before, but that's not what I'm trying to say). Each time I've realized that my practice could shift it's form and be much more effective, and I've felt really excited and motivated to practice meditation more.

So, I'm freaking out this morning (as I sometimes like to do) and in the process of trying-to-watch-what-the-fuck-I'm-doing-right-this-moment- no-matter-how-much-I-resent-the-whole-effort (the full name of my style of mindfulness practice) I enter into dialogue with my mind:

-Hey, mind, seems like you're being pretty harsh to, you know, ME! I'm not that bad, so what are you going on about? can't you be nicer??
-(mind) Nicer?? No way. If I didn't treat this girl harshly sometimes, I'd have no success with mumblemumble.
- Eh? What was that??

Between noticing the sky and getting
breakfast, I find my mind has come to rest
with my breath, as if it were natural.
I feel joy to realize that it can be
easy sometimes - a blossom of practice.